Fear of change can take us by surprise

‘Callanish’ is the story written by William Horwood about eagles in a zoo, tended by a keeper who had survived Sobibor.  The old eagle Minch talks about freedom…

“Here we are very safe,’ said Minch, and we cannot be hurt.  Our food is brought to us, and so we never hunt or seek prey.  Some of us, including yourself, Creggan, came here before they had ever learnt to hunt, or even to fly.  We have forgotten how to read the winds or easily find directions from the stars; we do not know any more how to read the landscape, and you, Creggan, cannot recognize friend from enemy among our own kind.  I am the only golden eagle you know now and you may think all are like me, and become trusting and believe they will help you.  But many will be your enemies, many will try even to fight you.

Being here in perpetual safety we forget how hard the world is outside and how strong and determined we must be if ever we want to live in it again.  The enemy that Kraal was trying to describe is really yourself, Creggan.

For a part of you will not want to fight or learn or struggle.  That part of you is very cunning and it will slowly fight with the other part that yearns for freedom and true strength.  It will not fight by raising its wings and clashing its talons and making noise; but quietly, cleverly, making you see the Men as friends, making you fear the wide world outside, so that when opportunity comes you will not take it as you should but hide behind excuses like “The time isn’t right yet” or ‘I don’t think I can do that’. Until the time will come when that enemy in you will win and your yearning for freedom will be only a lie which you turn into dreams that start ‘if only … If onlys are things that eagles prefer to talk about than do.  Do you understand what I am saying, Creggan?’

Creggan nodded.

‘Do you really understand?’

Overcoming fear of change takes perseverance

Change requires a commitment to success. If you have been stuck for some time and are moving towards what you want to achieve, your commitment will be tested.  There are many pitfalls awaiting the adventurous.  In any change, we move from the familiar to the new, from our comfortable unconscious competence to conscious incompetence.

Fear  of change will stop you short when you least expect it

Fear of change will happen to anyone moving from a daily, operational, problem-solving approach towards creating something new such as:

• Growing your business.
• Stretching your current operation or undergoing a major change.
• Delivering a project.
• Changing their life-habits.
• Starting a new business.

Just how badly do you want what you want?

Barriers test how badly you want something. But this barrier is one you erect for yourself.  This is how it works.  Being productive, healthy and successful can make us feel fulfilled and happy about who we are and where we are going.  Strangely, we may register this as a loss.  The path of empowerment can be lonely, risky and confusing.  Making decisions about what to do next can be very difficult.  It may be much easier to give up.  Suffering and being stuck can invoke strong feelings of sympathy from others.  And this attention can be quite addictive.  So much so that, after all our preparation and hard work, when the break happens and the door opens, we are overcome by an overwhelming wave of indifference and incompetence.  Comparing ourselves with the task and others in our field, we feel an urge to give up.  We are distracted by all these problems to solve first and by busy work and really we just cannot give it a go.

So we play into this comforting warm place.  “Yes I would love to try out for that position or that post, but you see I am so terribly damaged.  I just don’t know if I can.”
The illustration comes from the album cover for “20 years of Manfred Mann’s Earth Band and was painted by Ruth Phelps.

In the story, Woil, the buzzard takes an opportunity to break out of his cage but only flies over to a garbage bin where he allows a keeper to capture him again.  The other eagles are dumbfounded.

‘Why didn’t you escape? Why did you let the Men catch you again?’  Woil stared round at him and seemed to be in a state of shock.  He tried to speak and could not, and then tried again. Eventually he said in a strange and distant voice, ‘The sky was so … big … so daunting … and I was afraid.  Whichever way I turned looked bigger and wider and further than the other.  It was all around me and I did not dare to go in any direction.  I was confused, I could not seem to raise my wings.  And then seagulls flew free, and a flock of sparrows; and they seemed to own the sky and not me.  But for a moment, between the door of the cage and where I first took stance, I could feel the greatness of the sky, it was on my wings.  So big, so huge, so frightening.  I could not seem to find the courage to fly free.  I never understood before that the sky might be frightening.’

In “The Artists Way” author Julia Cameron calls this a “creative U Turn”. Our quest is to leave behind this safe, secure, compelling victimhood.  It is to step forward, into who we are.  To succeed we must watch for this self-sabotage.  We must embrace the fear of change.  We must embrace the pain of uncertainty.

So what can we do about this?

1. First we can acknowledge the U-turn and embrace the shame of our fear of change.  We are stuck, not lazy.
2. Give yourself some sympathy.  Creating takes courage.  If you have been shamed by your fear of change this will make it all the more difficult.
3. Prepare for success.  Confirm your vision.  Take some time to define exactly what you want, where you are now and the steps you will take.
4. Prepare for failure.  Decide not to allow setbacks to be your excuse to give up.  Develop resilience to cope with adversity.  Getting significant achievements right first time is not normal (i.e. get over yourself).
5. Get help.  Our ego wants to be self sufficient.  Listen to your heart, your soul and find someone to come alongside to guide you through the parts you cannot see.  Find a safe place to unpack your fear.  Find a quiet voice of encouragement.
6. Free yourself from resentment and anger.  Take the time to identify the players and consciously let go of the hurts they have caused.  And let go of the expectations of the way you would have preferred it to be.
7. Do some detective work, in your journal and with a coach to identify your own particular blocks.  How does your fear of change make itself felt?

Go on, Creggan, NOW Creggan; they will have the net over the hole in your cage. GO ON GO ON GO ON. . .’ their voices seemed as harsh and frightening as the sky and a: chilly cold as the wind and whatever they said he couldn’t he knew he couldn’t.  He could see the Men coming, the Men nearly through the bent door, the Man crawling across the roof, and Men coaxing, their voices soft and alluring; safe and secure.  He couldn’t rise into that great openness which was only inches above his head where the wind blew free…

In that moment Creggan came near to spiritual death.  His head dropped, his wings sagged, and he gave up any attempt to fly out, not just then but ever.  He felt the full force of his own weakness, and he had strength no more to fight, not without support, not without help …And then help came.  From out of the terrible confusion came a different voice, a gentle voice, a voice that understood.  It was the barest whisper and yet he could hear it clearer than all the others for it seemed to make everything else fade away.  It came from his left, near by, and he looked there and found that Slorne was just the other side of the bars from him and she was looking at him.  From some depth of courage and purpose she who had been silent so long was finding the will to speak at last.

‘There is a land,’ she was whispering, each word seeming difficult for her, each word needing courage, ‘there is a place to the north of here, far to the north, where red deer range and your kind fly free.  It is better than this place, Creggan, and you can fly to it.  It is your land, Creggan, it is yours…’ and she spoke to him gently as so often in the past he had spoken to her.  And just as she had found peace in his words, so did he in hers now.  Peace and time.  For it was as if the confusion was gone and it was they – the Men, the wind, the voices of the others, that were slowing, and he who had all the time he needed.

‘If the vow you made that night for Minch’s safe return is bolding you back do not let it, for there are many ways such a vow may be fulfilled,’ she said. ‘Minch’s freedom will fly in your wings.  Trust the powers that have brought you this chance, trust your strength, trust in your love of Minch and your memory of all of us.  These things will guide you.  Now raise your wings, my dearest friend,’ whispered Slorne, ‘and be proud, for in them you carry the hopes of all of us.  In them you carry the anger of Kraal and the cunning of Woil, and the wisdom of Minch.  All who have taught you in their different ways.  From me you take the love of home to put it in whatever place you make your own.’

‘Fly now, Creggan, and fly like the eagle we all might be’.