Perspective:
Happiness
On the step-machine I read an article on happiness, a busy field of research. Papers are published in Science and people earn Nobel prizes for their research into the question of happiness. Many disciplines are engaged:
- Psychologists want to understand what people feel.
- Economists what to know what people value.
- Neuroscientists seek to understand how our brains respond to rewards.
Why is happiness so important?
Well for a start happy people are more creative and more productive. There is a misconception that you need to keep an edge of fear in your dealings with staff to get them to produce. Of course people love to point out the exceptions. Just as we all know a guy who smoked two packs a day from when he was 15 and lived till 90, so people point to Beethoven, Vincent van Gogh and Hemmingway as proof that miserable people are more creative. But the research shows that contented people are more creative and more productive. Contented does not mean bored. Working through a challenge builds contentment.
Then what makes us happy? What is the secret?
Going from sad to happy with some moves and a change of perspective (and I suspect just a little Photoshopping). Photo from buzzlol.com
The research shows few surprises. People who are healthy, who live in community and are wealthy are more happy. Staff are happier and more productive when they:
- Are treated fairly.
- Are recognised for success in significant and challenging work.
- Have warm, interesting and cooperative relationships in the work-place.
Perhaps an unexpected finding is that frequency is a better predictor of happiness than intensity. A single big event will not create longer lasting happiness. And similar big events have less impact the more we experience them. Small boys’ response to a regular ice-cream quickly goes from excitement to entitlement. Just as a crash diet can have the opposite of the desired effect, so massive windfalls (like winning the lottery) can create more turbulence than happiness. We know this.
It is possible to engage in a programme of events to lift your spirits. Just as we know that losing weight requires us to eat less and exercise more, so being happy requires a series of many small positive events over time. Regular quiet reflection, exercise, enough sleep all contribute to happiness. Eating num-nums from the hedge at a client site, holding a child’s hand or walking on the beach, done often, are more likely to create a lasting happiness. Chatting with friends behind the break may be more uplifting than one ‘wave of the day’! Nurturing social connections, telling people why you are grateful to them. Nothing surprising in that. Helping others is particularly potent. The secret is not a secret!
At the end of my gym session I was in the change room and there was an older guy changing at the opposite end of the bench. Another old guy came in and greeted him in a most energetic and welcoming way. He laughed and pointed to his friend’s pinkish tee-shirt and began to tease him. “Maar ek sien jy dra jou ma se vrokkie… Ek sien in ons ou-dae word ons sag… Ek is ten minster oplettend, ek sien jy loop van die spore af” He laughed. (“I see you are wearing your wife’s blouse. In our old age we are getting soft. At least I can see that you are going off the rails.”). All this time his mate kept a poker face and just said “Jy’s ****** lelik”. (“You are ******* mean).
Later I saw them with other friends chatting and having coffee. A comfortable and happy scene.
“We wanted to make something that reflected the life we were living, that had some of the joy of family and the headiness of late nights and bright lights.
But Joy is a very hard thing to conjure, and happiness won’t do.” – Bono
You can read the full article here.
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Technique
Embrace your emotions to build bridges in negotiation
The way of pure logic may be useful on the bridge of Starship Enterprise, but in negotiations with real people it’s not all that effective, sorry dude! Photo from the Star Trek website
Emotions are a reality we dare not ignore in negotiation. Emotions can hinder or aid your progress in dealing with people.
Emotions raise obstacles to negotiation when they:
- Divert attention from the matters at hand, when parties get upset.
- Damage relationships when frustration and anger are given rein to cause hurt and embarrassment.
- Cause you to react in noticeable ways, allowing other parties to exploit you.
Emotions can also be a great asset in negotiation. Positive emotions:
- Enhance relationships, creating intrinsic enjoyment from the interpersonal interaction. We can enjoy the experience of negotiation, the camaraderie, without fear of personal attack. We can also challenge points on which we disagree, raising the conflict, knowing that our relationship can handle it.
- Reduce fear and suspicion, making us open to new and challenging ideas. Adversaries become colleagues.
- Motivate us to get more done, more efficiently.
What can we do about this business of emotions? People in negotiation have five generic concerns. If you choose to deal with these five concerns you will address most, if not all of the emotions that can derail a negotiation.
There is overlap between these five considerations and each one provides a perspective on how well a negotiation is proceeding. When each of these core concerns is met appropriately we can know that we are being treated:
- Equitably: as others would be treated in a similar circumstance.
- Honesty: That we are being told the truth.
- Consistently: that our treatment is in-line with changing situations.
The five core concerns are:
- Appreciation: Our thoughts, feelings and actions are acknowledged as having merit.
- Affiliation: We are treated as a colleague – not an adversary
- Autonomy: Our freedom to decide on important matters is respected by others.
- Status: Our standing is given full recognition, where it is deserved.
- Role: We find our activities fulfilling and our role describes what we do.
You can read the article here.
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A small adventure
A wedding in the forest
A while ago, I painted the scene at a surf competition at our local break. The organiser called over the intercom that he would like to see the work. When I showed him the painting he took my card and I forgot about it. A few months later he called me to ask if I would do a painting of his wedding, during the ceremony. Nothing like being in the moment. The couple were planning to get married in the forest in the Helderberg Reserve, which sounded great to me. So I joined them for the ceremony practice, where I took some photos.
Here is one of the paintings I did from those photos.
I also attended the wedding in the forest and painted the ceremony as they were saying their vows to each other. After the event I painted some other views of the occasion. You can read the story here and here.
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At StrategyWorks we assist leaders and their teams, with those crucial conversations for clarity, decisions, action and outcomes. These conversations can be frustrating when people are not heard, the team cannot make decisions or the way forward remains vague. Leaders contact us at StrategyWorks when they are ready to do something different. In the process those involved in the conversations feel understood and challenged. At the end of the intervention, the leaders and their teams feel focused and released around a clear plan of action.
Find out more from our website at:www.strategyworks.co.za or better still contact us at the email address: stephen@strategyworks.co.za to arrange a meeting with Stephen.
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© 2012 Stephen Quirke, All rights reserved. You are free to use material from this Conversaction newsletter in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution, including live web site link. Please also notify me where the material will appear. The attribution should read: ”By Stephen Quirke of StrategyWorks. Please visit Stephen’s web site at https://www.strategyworks.co.za/ for more resources on how to hold effective conversations in your organisation.” (Please make sure the link is live if placed in an eZine or in a web site.)
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