As we experience different situations or emotions we may show dramatic changes in posture, facial expression, colour, breathing, tears, gestures. Categorising these changes we can say they take on the behaviours of a sad or happy child, a loving or judgmental parent or a wise, mature adult.We may exhibit all these behaviours, yet we remain the same person. This consideration lead Eric Berne to develop the Transaction Analysis model characterised by three core “Ego States”.
The Child
In the child state we experience and exhibit the liveliness and fragility of the child. Our responses are based on recordings of our internal understandings, feelings and responses to external events. These recordings began in earliest childhood. It is as if we have in us the same little person we were when we were three years old. There are positive recordings (running through fields of grass, feeling mud squish through our toes and fingers, the taste of a ripe mango). But there is a greater store of disturbing recordings waiting to taint and intensify our current experiences with the sense of helplessness, bewilderment and frustration we felt when, standing two feet high with little voices we were subjected to the total and uncompromising demands of parents who towered over us.
The Parent
In the parent state we exhibit behaviours we learnt from parents. We literally play out recordings of their behaviour. These recordings acted as a useful internal parent which kept us out of trouble when they were not around. As a rule we took on good life laws and values as well as behaviours that help us “Get it”. However we also took on ineffective values and incongruencies (We were told not to lie but Dad took the HiFi next door when the insurance man came after the break-in) as well as obstacles to taking calculated risks. This record remains unquestioned till age five and for some people it is never challenged.
The Adult
In the Adult state we are able to actively select our responses. At about 10 months we realised we could move around, manipulate our environment and choose our responses. This began a new set of recordings based on what we learnt for ourselves. As we gained confidence in our learning process, we began to regulate, review, select and record appropriate behaviours from Parent, Child recordings. We also learnt to create new data and experiment with new behaviours, evaluating the probability of various outcomes from specific actions. In the adult state we are able to put aside the emotions surrounding an issue. We step out of the mindless application of our recorded parent behaviours. We are able to approach a situation balancing urgency with ease, assertiveness with kindness, disappointment with perseverance, fear with courage, learning with decisions. This is wisdom or “street smarts” and can be increased by conscious effort.
Understanding which state is in operation in ourselves and other people is a potent tool for developing healthy communication.
